journal entry #3 for lack of a better title
Entry posted by Kenshinsama
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last night was kind of one of those...make or break situations some of us really never get to experience...at least in real life. in the movies Ive seen crap likee this but never in my life has it ever happened to me before...
I am an african american Male. Born and Raised in Oakland Califonia. my "Block" or turf rather back in the day when crap like that was considered cool was 98th and Birch street in oakland. from the time I was there it was always a rough place to live. but of course when you grow up in it it doesnt seem THAT bad to you even if you are aware of most of the dangers...
in aznycase I am kinda side tracking but it all really just builds up towards the end anyway...Last night or this morning rather(1am or so) my friend "Machu" (Using his net alias) called me pretty drunk. he needed me to pick him up and take him home. of course I am going to do it...its 1am in the morning he OBVIOUSLY has no one else to call. and he wasnt far away so I didnt mind. I needed to get out of the house anyways(Drama)
so I head towards Castro Valley(I live in San leandro which is like 3 cities away me thinks) but he told me he was waiting in the cold and was freezing. so I decide since it will take me a while anyways to get there...I will pick up some starbucks. hes also upset so I figure some java would help ya know? well as soon as I get on the block where starbucks is a cop flags me down in a crown victoria telling me to pull to the side. now just a little extra history here. me myself I didnt start really driving till last year. I am 24 and will be 25 in march(please god dont ask its embaressing just typing this-_-) I was suppose to take my driving test last monday but because of the hospital and my eyes and crap I couldnt go. have to make a new appointment and wont be fit in until march 8th. that being sai dI was ready to face the consequence for driving without a license. I am at fault for that and if he towed my car I would have deserved it.
but thats not what happened. at all. there was nothing aboutthis cop that was "professional" hes got his uniform on but I swear to you he had NO BADGE ON for me to see his name, his number or any of that. he gets out of his car and slow steps towards my car. no I am not writing a fantasy novel this mother flocker walked very slowly to my car and started flashing the the light thru my window(this crap was really bright not to mnention he turned his highbeams on me and LEFT THEM ON!
*Sigh* I roll down my window and the first thing he asked me was not "can I see your license and registration" he didnt ask me anything. he started pacing around my car. tapping on the window everytime he walked past one. naturally now I am scared. I have never been in THIS kind of a situation with a cop. Ive been pulled over by cops for fitting the description of people they are after(really not their fault that alot of black guys look like me. well kinda. he finally opens his flocking mouth and asks me to get out of the car. of course I do as the ass says. hes a flocking cop and I know I have no license. but the fact that he wasnt even interested in that was very very scary to me...
"Boi what nationality are you?" that was the first sentence he flocking said to me. nothing else. just that. and I get a confused look on my face. now I am black but I have certin features that make you second guess sometimes(I cant help being prettier than most man...its a curse) my complextion isnt the lightest but my skin tone is lighter than most black people I know. also my eyes look as if I have asian decent(I dont. at least not that I know of) also the way I speak...well is kinda like how I am typing now. I have my ebonic moments sometimes but for the most part I sound pretty whitewashed in person. anyways yeah not your average african american. I tell him "Black" he than asked "what else lil nigga? you caint be fool blood black!" once again a confused look on my face. I dont know what to say to this guy. he is either really pissed off or looking to flock with someone. either way I was flocking terrifide...everything depended on what I did and said with this man. he started to push me around my instncts tell me "your invading my space, you need to get out of my space, I WILL flockING HURT YOU IF YOU DONT GET OUT OF MY WAY! But of course I knew thats what he was doing. he was TRYING to push me to that point. and both of us knew what would happen had I tajen the bait...yeah I could have kicked his ass. but the first blow I gave him would have landed me in a place I do not care to be in. but with everything he was doing, saying, I was so scared,confused, angry...he grabs my hair and and than pushes my head away laughing. "Punks as lil nigga. wont even do crap. lil ass biatch" flashes his light in my car again and tosses some of my books on the ground its been raining for days. they all land in puddles and pretty much all of them are destroyed. he walks off towards his car still laughing. feeling really good about himself I guess...
the cop pulls off and I am standing there by my car...so angry...so so angry...I started punching a near by tree. for about 3 minutes i am going off on this tree. there was no one around to see what happened. I didnt get his license plate number, he had no badge on. my eyes still arent great so I could hardly pick this guy out from any other BLACK COP!
the kicker! he was a black cop!??!! harassing me because I dont look fully black and because of how I talked and because there are a shitload of fantasy books in my backseat. there were books in there that were 90 years old...some of these were my grandfathers books from when he was younger. adventure books and mysteries and crap. classic stuff I could never find anymore....gone....just gone...I finally stopped punching the tree and just started bawling. I didnt care who heard me. I have been harassed by cops. I can deal with being harassed even by a dick cop. I could deal with a white racist cop...but I have been able to understand why me an African american male have been flocked with more by black men than anything else...
theres a alittle more to this but I dont really wanna type anymore...its making me upset...its funny. as an african american I do take pride in being black. because the people who fought for me to be here and paved the way for me to have rights here. wanted me to be the way that I am. they wanted me to educate myself. learn from others. grow and evolove into something more than a color or a race or a name. I belive they wanted me to be as diverse as I am, they wanted me to absorb any an all information that would help me better myself. I believe they wanted to me to be as involved as I am with emulation and gaming and reading and writing...becuase thats what they were fighting for....
but this...Ive been dealing with people like this...black people like this for years. because I can articulate myself, because i can read shakesphere like its nothing, because I can flocking hang with some of the best in SFA3 or third strike yet enjoy sitting down and remembering why I love chronto trigger and cross...they deem(spelling?) me "not black enough" I get treated as if its the flocking 50s all over again...except its being done by my own people. its so flocking...frustrating...
thats that. I cant type anymore. thanks for reading if you read it...
Black man out...
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