It's 3 A.M.

I'm in my room yet again, staring at the monitor dreaming of how my life "should" be. I can't get a grip of myself, I'm noticing the paleness of my skin (for the sunlight has only been seen twice this entire week).

I feel like I'm loosing myself again, in my own world where all I do everyday is grind in the imaginary, hope in the dreamworld, and accomplish nothing while gaining the self-portrait of superiority. I'm still a child, I have 2 months left to grow up. But I've been down this road again, bathed in it, lived in it. Writing about it only gives my fear strength, but if writing can bring me ANY emotion, then it means I can pull out courage as well. I've been looking for a key to do that, I've been looking for a key to open my box, and I've been looking for the key with all the answers to life.

I'm tired of looking, I'm tired of searching, if I'm left alone to drift in the desert plains of no where, without food or water the only option left to do would be to create survival! Stop searching for yourself, stop trying to find out who you "should" become. Become something you want to become, and create yourself from the ground up, for if you didn't loose yourself in the first place...

What if I really didn't loose myself in the first place? Then that means you're searching for something that can not be found, if you desire gold from the person in front of you, and wish to remain a true man, a true pro, then you are to either create or find your own gold. Now that you have searched beyond the caves of infinity, your only option left is to create it. Start smelting, for your personality isn't an illusion you can't grasp, but a creation you're too afraid to trust.