I'm beginning to realize more loosely what I want to accomplish. Although fear is still in place, the idea of changing my daily routine to fit a healthy lifestyle is required before I go full force with the plans up ahead. I figure that a man attempting to figure out art, is stuck with the question of self before realizing masterpiece. Ahead of this current challenge of my life, ahead a few years from now, I wish to only see what I should be doing, instead of what I don't want to do.

If I see myself alone, I become isolated. If I see myself failing, I somehow fall to the ground instantly. If I see myself crying, I begin to struggle upwards for air at the unforeseen event that my tears had already drowned me in my own pool of depression. I shiver at the idea that my obsession with all things entertaining should remain pure "hobby" (psychiatrists read: addiction), for I see myself capable of producing great works of art on scales not known to the casual or norm. Within my own writing, I am constantly bashed for a more "conversational" approach than what it "should" be (a "pure" English to be read like a machine, screw your emotions, I want efficiency! I, the invisible man behind the curtain making sure you stay in line, demand for you to be as robotic in nature as robots themselves). For the very idiots that claim knowledge don't realize themselves that not a single person in this world really reads that way! But hey, this isn't meant as bash to the usual, conformity sucks but it's because I refuse to dye my coat white that I will forever remain the black lamb of the pack.

This is being written to view some of the very concepts in my head. How I wish to push the generic with my own interpretations of story, and forever evolve them as well with new structure never before seen by the masses. I wish to create movies in first person views! Whole movies! Although the script has never been written, I have this idea of sticking the camera man through a holocaust camp, complete with vulgarity, blood, violence. Straight up emotional nuclear missiles that the hearts of the viewers can't take beyond the 30th minute for fear of they themselves turning into something dark (for ignorance is blessed, and the devils of the world still see themselves as angels). I view a game that has enough options to make the craziest rpg/adventure game fan cream their pants with semen! The same game capable of creating orgasms to the techies (who don't want to make games, they want to make the computer their bitch! For their psychological problems are probably comparable to that of policemen!) on both beauty and design. Last but not least a game that will forever shut the door between realism and T.V for you will never forget the one scene where your brother begins to cry within your arms (and no, you will not get this sentence unless potential is realized).

Then I see a band capable of producing music for ALL ears. Forget heavy metal, forget punk, forget rap, forget classical, forget country, forget genres for fucks sake! I dream at night of a band adored by all, labeled as unlabeble(Fuck you English, you fit my needs, this is now a word), associated with nothing but everything at the same time! O how I wish to present examples, but in all honesty, I fear (I hate fear, and I hate that I hate) that it might be laughed at. But I fear even more, of seeing it done by imitators.

I dream of bringing evolution to media, something that hasn' happened in a long time. Generic and Stereotype is the current label of all things entertainment. It's been done before, and originality is no longer present. Creativity has died, and I wish to one day be able to resurrect it.

O, and don't even get me started on ideas for my writing.