Paul You're a dear friend of mine. We have known each other for years and you know I am always here for you and care about you. Honestly man I think you're looking to deep into things when it comes to women (most do) and I think you're being waaaaaaaay to hard on yourself. You're a funny, nice, intelligent, and good looking guy. You can find a decent girl, they usually come around when one least expects it though. What always worked for me is my confidence, care-free attitude, dressing nice, and being a gentleman. I can't say what works for me will work for everyone but remember to be yourself. That does not mean to reveal every aspect of who you are (like all the bad/crazy stuff) right away, let it be a gradual process. Sometimes its the start of a new blessing that comes in the form of a friend/acquaintance, you never know. All I want is to see you happy, you're a funny guy. I know that your trying to make sense of everything, you just need to keep on smiling and know that everything passes with time. Do not allow societal and moral lapses bring you down, you're to smart for that.