The Final Insult

[Elazul Yagami]

This is from a section called " the final insult' that's in (or used to be in) a British Magazine called "PC Format"

 

i typed it up and posted it WAAAAAY back when i first joined another forum, for those who haven't read it, enjoy.

 

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Final Insult :

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(The roar of the greasepaint , the smell of the crowd.

the final insult's been tasting television stardom.)

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The call came from Binns one sunny afternoon as I was tending to the geraniums. " listen, you," he pleaded, " we've been invited to go on some God-awful discussion programme to defend PC games , but none of us can be bothered. I've got too many phone calls to make , Jim's got a manicure booked , and Adam and Dave are playing tiddywinks. Look, Do you want to do it or not?" as if he needed to ask. Fortified by a few swift drams, I headed off for the studio. I've devoted the rest of the page to a transcript of the important part of the broadcast- which is, the part I was in. For some reason it was never actually transmitted.

 

TELEVISION STUDIO. OILY PRESENTER IS LISTENING TO A TEARFUL NARRATIVE FROM DISTRAUGHT MOTHER.

 

MOTHER:..... last week he was convicted for murder, and if it hadn't been for these computer games I know my son would be with me today.

 

PRESENTER: I'm sure he would, love. You've been very brave.

[TURNS TO THE FINAL INSULT]

Well, we've had allot of upset mums telling us this morning how computer games have caused drug abuse , burglary , death , devil-worshipping , genocide and the collapse of civilization as we know it. You're responsible for all this, Mr. Insult.

What have you got to say for yourself?

 

THE FINAL INSULT : Sorry? Did you say I was responsible ? How did you come to that conclusion?

 

PRESENTER : You write for one of the most popular computer magazines in the world. you're encouraging innocent youngsters to expose themselves to the insidious horrors that lurk within all computer games. So it's down to you.

 

THE FINAL INSULT :Ah,right. So by the same token, are you personally responsible for the existence of our victim society that teaches people to whine about how everything that goes wrong in their life is someone or something else's fault ?

 

PRESENTER : Ha ha ha ha ha. That's rather ducking the issue, isn't it? And I don't think it's going to make Brenda here feel any better, is it love?

 

MOTHER: Certainly not. My son was a good boy until you got him addicted to computer games, and now he's in prison.

 

THE FINAL INSULT: is this the " good boy " who already had a substantial police record before he obtained his PC? And who actually got his PC by ram-raiding an electrical store?

 

MOTHER: I'm not saying he wasn't a bit of a tearaway. But he never actually killed anyone before he started playing Computer games.

 

THE FINAL INSULT : I see. Might I suggest that you're a hideous, neurotic ball of lard, and an unfit mother to boot? Your Son's a yob and you're trying to direct the blame for his psychopathic tendencies away from your pitiful failure at parenthood.

 

MOTHER: I didn't come here to be insulted , you know.

 

THE FINAL INSULT : I don't see why not. I imagine it makes quite a nice change from being insulted at home, you malodorous ratbag. And the same goes for the rest of you, you bunch of irritating excuses for parents. Every single one of you is trying to blame PC games for your children's misdemeanors, because you refuse to face up to the fact that you made a miserable hash of bringing them up properly.

[THE AUDIENCE BECOMES RESTLESS]

If you want a real example of anti-social behavior caused by computer games, get a load of this.

[PRODUCES AN ARMY SURPLUS ROCKET LAUNCHER]

 

PRESENTER : Good God. Clear the studio!

 

THE FINAL INSULT : Now, I've played quite a lot of a popular game called QUAKE, and it's left me with a great urge to 'gib', or blow to little bits, anyone I don't really like the look of. And as far as I can see, that includes every single one of you.

Who's first?

 

PRESENTER: Not so fast! [PULLS OUT A LIGHTING GUN AND A QUAD DAMAGE] If you're starting , I'm ready for you. Your move, creep.

 

At which point it all gets a bit blurred, really. but I'm almost certain that's what happened. Or did I dream it? All these myriad computer games - it sometimes leaves me a little confused about what's real and what's not. Still, no harm done, eh?

[Sybarite Paladin AxL]

Conclusion, parents who think computer games influence children in such a way that they would resort to murder, rape, theft, assassination, pedophilia, satanism and/or any other acts their conservative communist mind might consider unwanted in their child's growth as a human blood-sucker toiling away in some corner office all for the illusion that is wealth, are, of course, WRONG!

 

I wish they would die and go to hell to be impaled by Satan's imps or forced into regular sessions of rocket rape induced by the above mentioned acursed one, (a.s.a.p. preferably)

[Elazul Yagami]

it was supposed to be funny heh

[OverlordMondo]

Disgaea made me a pedophile.

[suvo]

lol , some crap like that happend with cs , this guy was such a freak.... he saved thousands of dollar's, bought a carbine illegally , and went to some random's house and shot the mum , dad and child and took all there belonging's complete dumbass

[Agozer]

Disgaea made me a pedophile.

Oh you too?