100 ways to be annoying

[Madman]

1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.

2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."

3. Specify that your drive-thru order is "to go."

4. Learn Morse Code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeeeeep Bip Bip Beeeeeep Bip."

5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen.

7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.

8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.

9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub."

10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.

11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.

12. Sniffle incessantly.

13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.

14. Name your dog "Dog."

15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."

16. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."

17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."

18. Declare you apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace."

19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, by assure the listener it was a "real hoot."

20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.

21. Practice making fax and modem noises.

22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.

23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.

25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."

26. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with the prophecy."

27. Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.

28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.

29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.

30. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.

31. Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.

32. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.

33. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."

34. Drum on every available surface.

35. Staple papers in the middle of the page.

36. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.

37. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.

38. Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.

39. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.

40. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.

41. Set alarms for random times.

42. Order a side of pork rinds with your Filet Mignon.

43. Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.

44. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.

45. Honk and wave to strangers.

46. Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.

47. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.

48. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.

49. Wear your pants backwards.

50. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.

51. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"

52. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.

53. only type in lowercase.

54. dont use any punctuation either

55. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.

56. Pay for your dinner with pennies.

57. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.

58. Repeat everything someone says as a question.

59. Write "X-BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.

60. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assasination/UFO? O.J. Simpson conspiracy theories.

61. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."

62. Light road flares on a birthday cake.

63. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.

64. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.

65. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."

66. At the laudromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.

67. When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman Smells" until physically restrained.

68. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."

69. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.

70. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling as they read.

71. Pretend your computer mouse is a CB radio, and talk into it.

72. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.

73. Drive half a block.

74. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.

75. Ask people what gender they are.

76. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray.

77. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl.

78. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes."

79. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains such as "Feliz Navidad," the Archies' "Sugar," or the Mr. Rogers Theme song.

80. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.

81. Lie obviously about trivial things, such as the time of day.

82. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.

83. Change your name to "John Aaaaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people prounce each "a."

84. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

85. Chew on pens you've borrowed.

86. Wear a LOT of cologne.

87. Listen to 33 rpm records at 45 rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."

88. Sing along at the opera.

89. Mow your lawn with scissors.

90. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suh-WING-batter!"

91. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."

92. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.

93. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psycological profiles."

94. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."

95. Never make eye contact.

96. Never break eye contact.

97. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.

98. Construct elaborate "crop circle" in your front lawn.

99. Construct your own pretend "tricorder", and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.

100. Make appointments for the 31st of September.

[Diso]

Some of them are good but a few of them don't even make sense.

 

89 Mow your lawn with scissors. (?)

 

That's more likely your neighbors are gonna laugh at you for being stuppid.

[iq_132]

Lol, I seriously laughed at some of those

na na na na na na na na na na na na na na batman!! batman!! batman!!

[Shibathedog]

old as hell, but still funny

[Sybarite Paladin AxL]

LOL

74. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.

75. Ask people what gender they are.

 

those rock ahaha

[suvo]

Lolerblades. Time to annoy the neighbours.

[Sybarite Paladin AxL]

101.Stare at people incesantly until they beg you to stop.

[Tynvar]

I've actually done the copy machine one and sticking magnetic things on peoples bags. LOL that sure scares the crap out of them.

[Shibathedog]

39. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.

 

HAHAHAHA done that one