Joke Time

[Elazul Yagami]

Special High Intensity Training (crap) (PG)

 

 

TO : ALL EMPLOYEES

 

RE : SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING

 

DATE : 25 MARCH 1999

 

 

Please be advised that you have been invited to attend the

"SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING" (S.H.I.T.) program which

will enable you to attain the highest levels of work quality

and productivity in the IT industry. It is our primary

objective to equip all employees with more S.H.I.T. than

anyone else in the industry.

 

Employees who have previously undergone this program and are

already full of S.H.I.T. are qualified to train others on the

basic rudiments of the program called "BASIC UNDERSTANDING

LECTURE LIST of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING PROGRAM"

(B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T.). For details, please see :

 

DIRECTOR of INTENSITY PROGRAMMING

SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (D.I.P.S.H.I.T.)

 

Please be warned that any employee who fails to S.H.I.T.

will be automatically placed on "DEPARTMENTAL EMPLOYEE

EVALUATION & PROBATION of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING

PROGRAM" (D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T.)

 

Furthermore, any employee who fails to take D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T.

seriously will have to take the one month comprehensive

course on "EMPLOYEE ATTITUDE TRAINING of SPECIAL HIGH

INTENSITY TRAINING" (E.A.T.S.H.I.T.)

 

Should you require clarifications on this matter, please

direct them to :

 

HEAD OF TRAINING

SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING ( H.O.T.S.H.I.T. )

 

For your compliance.

 

 

Boss-in-General, Special High Intensity Training (B.I.G.S.H.I.T.)

[garyoak99]

The date makes the joke look old but it's still funny!

[NeuronMaster]

hmmm ok

 

how do you blind an asian?

 

put a windshield in front of them

[Wizard]

Theres a minor planet called Pink Floyd.

 

Thats a joke.

 

Did you get the punchline?

[Elazul Yagami]

A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on the I-110 in Baton Rouge. Nothing is moving. Suddenly a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down his window and asks, "What happened?"

 

"Terrorists have kidnapped Governor Kathleen Blanco, New Orleans mayor Ray Nagin, and Senator Mary Landrieu! They are asking for a $10 million ransom. Otherwise they are going to douse them with gasoline and set them on fire. We are going from car to car, taking up a collection."

 

The driver asks, "How much is everyone giving?"

 

"About a gallon"

 

(probably a lot funnier if you are from Louisiana, but still you could replace the names)

[nicknicknickandnick]

Here's some clean riddles I copied from a Something Awful forum thread:

 

How do you start a flea race?

1, 2, flea, go.

 

What's brown and sticky?

A stick, lol.

 

What's an owl's favorite subject?

OWL-gebra!

 

What do you get when you cross a river with a bicycle?

Wet.

 

What do you call the soft bits between sharks' teeth?

Slow swimmers.

 

What's orange and sounds like a parrot

A Carrot

 

When ducks fly in a V, why is one side always longer than the other?

There's more ducks on that side.

[Weirdy]

here's one I saw on the winamp forums

 

what's the difference between a Porcupine and a BMW?

 

the Porcupine has the pricks on the outside

[Elazul Yagami]

"a man walks into a bar and sees this woman sitting alone, so he sits down and orders a drink, eventually they start talking.... so the woman is like why are you here? he's like, well my wife kicked me out cause she thinks i'm too kinky.... the woman is like really? my husband left me cause he thinks i'm too kinky. so they sit in silence for a bit, then the woman says look, let's cut to the chase,

 

... it's obvious we should go to my place, so let's just go ok? so the guy agrees and they head off to the woman's place... so she tells the guy, wait right here, i'll go get into something more comfrotable... so she puts on a black leather low cut minidress with the nipples cut out, long high healed black boots, a choker around her neck, and grabs a whip and walks out, she sees the man putting on

 

his coat, so she goes " hey, where you going?" he's like " look, i've flocked your dog and craped in your purse, i'm outta here"

Edited February 10, 2006 by Elazul Yagami

[ken_cinder]

Something tells me you told that wrong, cause I've seen that joke somewhere before. However you told it just doesn't make sense though. I think somethings missing....