How to irritate your girlfriend.

[emsley]

Why would you want to do this?

You're asking the wrong question! Just do it!

 

How to irritate your girlfriend.

1. Call her by the dogs name when she does something nice to you – even if the dog has a dudes name. Make it an ongoing “I’m sorry it just slipped out” kind of thing.

 

2. Take time out to use her hair brush for grooming the dog – If she won’t stop using your razor this is about fair in my book – don’t ever take the dogs hairs out after you have brushed him – make sure she finds it!

 

3. Get a pretend crush on a celebrity she hates (preferably female) when she says: Oh I HATE her! Say: OMG! I ABSALOUTLY ADORE HER! SHE IS SO HOT! Now you have to start putting posters up of the celeb – and hint at your partner to get her hair cut like said celeb! Sit her down on pull out a picture of celeb – look meaningfully at the photo then look to her and squint your eyes – say “Maybe... with a bit of work we could... yeah with the hair”

 

4. Be incredibly thick skinned with her, she comes to you crying: you ram your coat on and go to the pub.

 

5. Sorry Hun I dropped your tooth brush down the toilet. As she is brushing.

 

6. She cooks you a meal – as it’s put in front of you – walk to the kitchen and cook a pot noodle then go sit in front of the TV and eat the pot noodle. No excuses! Just do it! As soon as she says “Why” your coat is on and you’re at the pub!

 

7. Text her while you’re not in her company: This bar maid is hitting on me! She totally adores me! I’ll be home later, maybe tomorrow! Xxx (do not reply to any texts sent to you in the meantime or answer any calls)

 

8. Tell her you got talking to a girl – and the conversation got on to your relationship – and now you think she is a spiteful horrible person – and she better shape up pronto. (women loathe influence from other women hahahaha)

 

9. Your mum is cute!

 

10. Purposely leave a web page up with Thai brides for order up when she goes on the PC. You can repeat this trick a lot with different things such as “my girlfriend is a prick” left typed up in Google. Not to forget “i think my partner has anorexia” or “how to tell your partner she smells funky down there”

 

11. Tell her the dog has hurt his leg and you would appreciate it if she would sleep on the sofa tonight so the dog can get a good night’s sleep. She will decline so argue emphatically until she leaves for the night – when she leaves tell her thank you via a text.

 

12. Buy her things like pots and pans and cooking utensils anything that just plain implies housekeeping duties.

 

13. Tell her how you met this girl who is BUTT UGLY but she is ABSALOUTLY hilarious to talk to slightly mention “man she makes me laugh so much! I have never known a girl to be so funny!” Women HATE this!

 

14. Ask her about her thrush in public really loudly and if it’s cleared up yet.

 

15.Masturbate next to her in bed – ask her to pass you her nightie – wipe your prick on it roll over and go to sleep.

 

Enjoy!

Emsley.

[Hera]

Most of those were hilarious actually.

 

Although if anyone did #15, they'd be dead.

[Krosigrim]

Heh... I dated a girl who hated Gwen Stephani. The first time she made the comment, I said "well I think shes sexy" I didn't hear the end of it. Every time one of her songs came on the radio, she would change it real quick and get all stern faced... etc etc. She would rant about how I used the word "sexy" which to her means I wanted to have sex with her.

[Hera]

Gwen is sexy.

[The-Ice-Man]

No she's not. Her face + anorexic body = fail.

[Shibathedog]

Agreed

[Skythe]

I approve this list.

[Hera]

No she's not. Her face + anorexic body = fail.

 

She doesn't look anorexic now after having her other kid. She looks fuller and healthier. But I was kidding honestly, I don't think she's sexy.

[emsley]

Although if anyone did #15, they'd be dead.

 

Ok just pass your pillow/