So, I'm having a problem with a friend

[Explosive Misanthropy]

Hell no. You don't say that and just end the conversation. First of all, I never disagreed that the baby was the important part of her life.

 

"Another thing I'm worried about is that her son is only 9 months old, she needs to be spending the night with him, not going out and drinking, and staying the night at the Ryan guy's house. But that's how I feel. I feel like, when you have a baby, your time of doing all that shit is over. The second she decided to keep that baby, then her life becomes all about him. But, that's how I'd be. You have a baby, you sacrifice all that stuff. She feels like if someone is there to babysit, then she can stay the night out. Ugh, that shit bothers me. And I don't know how much better a foster care system would be for him."

 

So don't tell me about learning lessons young, or try to explain to me what priority she should have. There's no confusion on that.

 

Secondly, I said in my post that she's willing to submit to any person's will. She has no sense of her own self. You have no idea what her personality is like. You say that she knows the difference between right and wrong? She sent powdered concealer to NASA for no reason. She had the FBI posting out at her house for 3 weeks. She decided it was a good idea to walk around the mall at 3 a.m. knowing she was trespassed (not to mention being a minor, and being on probation with a curfew of 7:00). She takes money out of public fountains to buy cigarettes. She was spending the night at my apartment, and she decided to leave and meet a friend of ours, instead, she met up with some random guy, went home with him, then had sex with him. She never knew his name. Hence the "psychological reasons". Think of it as autism, just on a singular symptom of it. She does, in fact, need me. I'm the one that's been there since she was 3 years old. I've been the one keeping her normal. If I were never around, she'd still be in her drug-induced spiral into accidental suicide. The only reason she got with this guy was because I wasn't around, therefore I feel responsible. And you wouldn't want to get a person like that out of a shitty situation?

 

To get her away from her abusive parents, her dirty home-life, her bad decisions--including associating herself with drug addicts when YOU KNOW she can do better? That's not called running away from her problems, that's called getting away from a bad situation to create a new, clean environment for

her and her baby. It's easier and cheaper to live where I am. The people are nicer and it's a much more family-oriented place. Great for... say... raising a child? Fuck your so-called "lessons".

 

Nothing you said was applicable, therefore your opinion isn't needed here, and now the conversation can be done.

[Hera]

Now that's said and done, I hope you feel better. Doesn't change my opinion one bit. An excuse is an excuse. And what you've just adamantly described are nothing but excuses.

 

ta ta

[Explosive Misanthropy]

Haha. Let's do this again.

 

First of all, how can specific examples of her personality be creating an excuse? How can wanting a better life for her child to be an excuse?

 

Ok, so if a child is in an abusive home, doesn't even matter the age, them going into a foster home would be running away from their problems? It's improving their life. Moving forward with their life. Creating better situations for themselves. That child will just grow up in his most malleable years in a home with abusive idiots for grandparents, and an overall disgusting house to grow in and learn from. If she were to come up here, it would be after she finishes school and so that she could find a job (which is fucking impossible in Altamonte, ask Will... ) and support herself.

 

I don't honestly know you well enough to know whether you're sticking to your guns because you know you're wrong and you hate it or if it's because you're an idiot fundamentalist.

 

But obviously you're a bit immature to think about it logically.

[LoRd_SnOw]

We're all people, our primary focus is to take care of ourselves, your child and your siblings. Anything else is secondary.

 

It's difficult to change someones environment, unless you're really aiming to go far and put that as your primary focus, which could interfere with your important life decisions.

 

Im not saying to be a completely selfish person, but if you do care the least you could do is accept what i said earlier or other peoples opinions, rather just atleast try.

 

I have a sister who has a friend who has a toddler, she's very sweet, but the environment she lives is a total hell hole and the guys father is pretty much a non working buttface who abandoned his daughter and spouse. Any how, my sister visits her and checks up on her, she doesn't just tell her friend she needs help. my sister gives her friend advice.. The advice that she gives to her friend, is her current and past experiences with children, how to connect with them, and that's very important. She can be the best mother ever, but if you lack connectivity with your child then you fail as a mother. There's really nothing you can do change her setting, just stay in touch and show her what's important is connecting, not the father whom ever it may be, don't show attention or importance to that, it's not worth it and things will only become even more complicated for you.

 

Also, no cat fights

Edited September 23, 2009 by Snow Patr0l

[Explosive Misanthropy]

We're all people, our primary focus is to take care of ourselves, your child and your siblings. Anything else is secondary.

 

It's difficult to change someones environment, unless you're really aiming to go far and put that as your primary focus, which could interfere with your important life decisions.

 

Im not saying to be a completely selfish person, but if you do care the least you could do is accept what i said earlier or other peoples opinions, rather just atleast try.

 

I have a sister who has a friend who has a toddler, she's very sweet, but the environment she lives is a total hell hole and the guys father is pretty much a non working buttface who abandoned his daughter and spouse. Any how, my sister visits her and checks up on her, she doesn't just tell her friend she needs help. my sister gives her friend advice.. The advice that she gives to her friend, is her current and past experiences with children, how to connect with them, and that's very important. She can be the best mother ever, but if you lack connectivity with your child then you fail as a mother. There's really nothing you can do change her setting, just stay in touch and show her what's important is connecting, not the father whom ever it may be, don't show attention or importance to that, it's not worth it and things will only become even more complicated for you.

 

Also, no cat fights

I have no problem with other people's advice at all.

 

But again, I do feel a responsibility greater than that of normal personal relationships because she's always needed me around. My post wasn't about how involved I am with her, because I can't change the way I feel about my involvement with her and her child. The thread was created because I was stressed about her current situation and with the guy she'd recently been in contact with. And the best I can do at the moment is to give her advice, I know that. But I can provide her with an opportunity for a better life in the future when she needs it.

 

What I didn't like was the manner in which Hera responded to the post. In her original post, she talked about how Erica was "running away from her problems". I felt it necessary to defend myself and the situation.

Edited September 23, 2009 by Explosive Misanthropy

[Hera]

Look, I didn't want this to keep going in this direction. My immediate response to your abrasive attitude was defensive. I did not say that she was running away nor you for that matter. All I said in general for EVERYONE in any situation is that running away doesn't solve anything and to grow up and face them. It was not meant as a personal attack towards you or her but I'm not going to apologize for saying that.

 

I don't appreciate your belligerent attitude about it. I did not attack anyone at all (except when I called you immature because ....well, frankly you are being that). I made a simple statement. I'm not saying anything against your willingness to help your friend and I'm not trying to be a know it all. It didn't need to be blown out of proportion. I do think you were immature about the whole thing but perhaps it was my fault for not being clear enough.

 

So in other words, I'm sorry about the way you took it but I'm not sorry about my advice. Call me whatever you want. It really doesn't matter. Seriously.

Edited September 24, 2009 by Hera

[Explosive Misanthropy]

the concern needs to be given to that child and not to her. She is an adult now. Whether she had a bad home life or whether she's easily influenced that's neither here or there. She knows what is right and what is wrong. It's up to her to step up and say "no" when it's needed. If she is determined to stay with this man, you as a friend can only suggest to her counseling for the both of them. If she's been watched for psychological reasons, there shouldn't be a problem going to facilities for help. That child needs to be the main focus here. Not anyone else.

 

This was never the issue. I addressed her need to put her child first in my very first post. Obviously, that wasn't the key "advice" you were giving, given I already knew it.

 

Also, running away from problems isn't going to solve them. That's not a good example to set for her child. Grow up, face your issues and stop blaming the world and other people for your problems.

 

May I remind you that that was your piece of advice from your original post. That entire statement was directed to me and to the situation I was explaining, else the entire post was completely irrelevant and you never should have started typing. You felt it necessary to say it in the first place. And noticed the bold words. How general does that honestly seem to you. If you can't see where that's directed, you're blind.

 

Look, I didn't want this to keep going in this direction. My immediate response to your abrasive attitude was defensive. I did not say that she was running away nor you for that matter.

 

 

...that wasn't a response. That was your original post.

Edited September 24, 2009 by Explosive Misanthropy

[Skythe]

OH SNAP!! I'm grabbing my 1-UP mushroom and getting the fuck out of here.

[Fatal Rose]

Seems like we are more prone to flame wars due to the lack of forum activity, seems it is easier to get on each others nerves.

 

 

It is very hard to truly convey what you mean online via text. Things tend to be taken the wrong way or out of context often, I hope neither of you have ill will toward each other. Seems like a misunderstanding and that's how it should be taken.

[VT-Vincent]

Kumbaya, my Lord, kumbaya...

[Hera]

Seems like we are more prone to flame wars due to the lack of forum activity, seems it is easier to get on each others nerves.

 

 

It is very hard to truly convey what you mean online via text. Things tend to be taken the wrong way or out of context often, I hope neither of you have ill will toward each other. Seems like a misunderstanding and that's how it should be taken.

 

That is indeed the case. I hold no ill feelings towards her. I blame myself for not stating things properly. I just hope that everyone learns not to take people seriously. I was just trying to give tips because I had a friend that was in the same boat. I had to give her the harsh truth of telling her to grow up. But I didn't mean for all this to go off.

 

As I clarified before, I meant "You" as a general audience. My grammar isn't perfect all the time.