Watching your ex girls demise is not as rewarding as you think.

[emsley]

So you all know about the girl I fell in love with and she gave me the wrong coloured baby blah blah etc?

 

Anyways I have always hated/loved her since we split and I remember telling her "god is gonna cut you down for what you did to me."

 

And by god he has, not only did this girl give up her baby to her mother i think in her tiny mind she needed to "fix" her self by getting pregnant little than 9 months later after we split, this girl has started showing back up at pubs that I visit (where is her 2nd baby?)

The first night I saw her the cheeky cunt smiled at me in a "nice" way I ignored her - a little later I told her as i walked past her out side while having a smoke "you suck, you just really suck." she replied "wife beater!!" trying to elect a response from me but I dint bite I just went back inside and finished my night up early.

She was all over the place hyped up to fuck now I know there are only two drugs that can do that Es or amphetamine/speed/billywhizz.

So im pretty sure its speed.

 

Anyways my buddy is out two nights ago and she is back in the pub he said "she was on something shouting and giddy"

And then it hit me she has turned to amphetamines, i know her well and her friends she cant afford the coke so what do the hardcore do when they cant afford the coke? right they take speed.

 

Shes looking scruffy, unattractive, thin and just down right wrong.

 

Her demise has come at the hands of drugs - if she just done what was needed and not been a childish twat things could of been much better, even though i have a lot of hatred for this girl there is still part of me that feels guilt for her, i was supposed to protect her and the child but how could I do that after the lies? Jesus is cool but I aint that forgiving.

 

Why are some people so hell bent and destroying their own lifes, she got two kids ffs sake the last thing on her mind is to be taking fucking drugs and getting pissed...

I tried before I really did - I was seen as the "party pooper" dont take drugs, lets go nice places etc, lets go for a nice walk, na she just wanted to smoke weed, take drugs and not give a fuck about anything - and i can assure you its fucking awful to watch.

 

So she ended up been a druggy mum with two kids been dragged up instead of been brought up.

Self destructive...

 

I am no heartless beast immune to what life throws at me - but I am experienced enough to know that this girl is heading for a quick demise I SAW IT FROM DAY ONE but she just wouldn't stop doing the things that made it all bad.

Me hitting her played a part - but it was the only way to get her to see - but even that didnt work in the end.

I swear to god in a few more years she will have psychosis - her kids taken off her - then the big drugs will start...

Ill bump into her with all her teeth fallen out, or some fucked up looking junkie.

and there aint a fucking thing i can do about it.

[Inky]

Now is the time to PUT IT IN HER BUTT.

[emsley]

Thanks inky that was great.

[Lucandrake]

Poopers are sacred o.o. That's just mean.

[Krosigrim]

Ahh life.

 

I know exactly what you mean and how you feel. She isnt right inside. But you know that. You love her, even if remotely still and she is a horrible downward spiral. But you cannot make her decisions.

 

Try as you might, no matter what happens... the individual has to make their own decisions. What are you to do? Hold her down? Force her? Impossible. All you can do is turn her in if you know she has something on her but what would that do? Destroying onesself is one thing, but when innocent children are involved, its so very much more heart wrenching.

 

Know that you did what you could or did what you thought was right. Try to see that you might have done "more" but honestly... what else could you have done? You can try to save others with all you might but in the end, it's up to them.

 

She isnt right upstairs. All she wants is instant gratification. Drugs, party, fucking... negating in her head her responsibilities. She is actually afraid. Of what exactly, most likely life. She is afraid of life. Acting supremely selfish. Robbing her children of their mother. She knows better but doesnt care enough. Its not like she one day said fuck it. This behavior is a long time coming. You might want to think you, and her children ment enough to her to not be like this... But Emsley, this is a looooong time coming. Her bad wiring predates you my friend. Id wager she was molested and neglected somewhat. Her damage hurts you as well but man, what else can you do?

 

Part of you wants to see her burn but thats just your protective barrier. You don't really want to se her fail. As much as she hurt you, you dont honestly want that. You want her to snap out of it. You want her to do right. But its out of your hands. She choose other paths. You loved her and she betrayed you. I know how that feels. As much hurt and anger you can muster... it doesnt negate the fact that you want her to be truly happy, not this ultra destructive and hurtful existence. Mainly more hurtful to her children and herself and her family. In that order.

 

She might fixate on you like she did as mentioned at the bar here... yes you are a part of her life, but she already showed you how much you mean to her. FFs sake she is doing it much worse to her children than she ever could have done to you. I guess try and use that to fuel the idea that you didnt mean enough to her. How could you have if she is neglecting HER OWN CHILDREN! You can only pull someone out of the fire if they give you their hand. Pull as you may, they will hold on to something and you cant pull them out. The more you pull, the more you get burnt with them. And that sounds like something they might want. Bringing others into their misery. Too selfish to ultimately stop hurting their loved ones. It's a paradox, a molten shit storm.

 

Your a good guy man. I dont know you personally... but you care. It is we who care too much that get hurt the most. We allow ourselves to get into situations where we get burned, where as others dont care enough past themselves the not burn others.

 

Users / Usees

[Inky]

I stand by my advise.

[emsley]

Cheers grim that was awesome and just what I needed to read.

Your analysis is spot on with this - wise my friend wise.

She was date raped at 13 - no father figure etc - turned to crack...

Then it was my turn...

 

These kinds of women are like snails they leave a trail of destruction every place they go.

Im not innocent in all of this I always said it from day one, the closest I got to her been "helped" was when I told her she had depression and she started taking medication their was a glimmer of hope - she couldn't trust me after all id hit her.

and within two weeks of "ok" behaviour she was out getting coked up and going home with another guy.

Just as a corner was been turned...

 

That was the last straw with her, she wrote me letters, came to my door, and I just said "I don't want to talk to you"and shut my window. (the hand in the fire heh)

I have seriously in all my life never ever known a human being like this ever.

 

I want to take my part of the blame away from her - but how can I say sorry to something that has done me so wrong?

fuck.

[Krosigrim]

Although you might have been a part of something, ultimately these things she does are on her. You cannot make someones elses decisions.

 

You might think you had an effect one way or another, but when you think about it like this... Life gives you a hand (cards) and you play it out. Its your hand, separate from anthers hand. Sure you might be a card in hers and her in yours... but it is up to us to play out our own hands. I cant grab your controller and beat your opponent... you didnt win, I did. Therefore the victory was empty for you, non existent.

 

Same goes for her. Life is just that, life. You play out your hand then get another one delt. sometimes it really sucks, even when you have some good cards. You were not playing her hand, you were merely a card in the shuffle. You are unable to take true blame, it wasnt your play.

[L.S.D]

Just move on. There is no need for you to saddle yourself with such burden.

[Krosigrim]

Just move on. There is no need for you to saddle yourself with such burden.

Indeed. As harsh as that sounds. Or at least take some weight off your chest M8

[someboddy]

I won't tell you to move on - seeing how this whole thing is bothering you, I don't think you are capable of just moving on.

 

Aren't there any organizations that can help people like her? I'm not talking about involving the authorities - that will just screw her life even more - but there has to be an organization that can force her into a therapy program or something...