Should I go to this party thing?

[emsley]

Yeah that's the problem at the moment , ive been advised by ex drinkers who had really bad problems with beer to give it nine months.

The docs said I only had a moderate problem and wasn't an alcoholic but they said it wasn't far off.

Jesus most of the people i know drink more than I did.

[Krosigrim]

Here is the thing. You have a condition. Something along the lines of a chemical imbalance. You mentioned depression.

 

When you drink or smoke or whatever, you give your brain something it likes and well... it really really likes it. It becomes hardwired for it. Perhaps you noticed how bad it got after a few days of not drinking at first. If this IS so, I am proud of you! I know how hard it is to stop something you like.

 

For me it was the herb. I was sooo wired for it... here, let me give you an example. You know how when you wake up and your groggy? (to those who dont wake up in a snap) If I were to smoke, the sleepy fog would lift instantly. Id not be sleepy and Id be great. I remember once I had to take a few tokes from a bowl before my first day at this job that had me going in early.

 

And when I eventually quit, I was hard up. It felt like I needed to do something! I increased my cig smoking 4 fold. I still smoke like a civ and its due to the feeling that I want to fill a need. A need to consume. If I dont get a smoke I feel ansy, restless. I have a very addictive personality. I am addicted to games and well... doing whatever else pleases me, eating, smoking, sex whatever.

 

As for me drinking does little for me. I usually feel bad after a few drinks. When I do get my buzz of drink, It usually dies down fast... something about alcohol. I just stop getting drunk and start getting shitty. Pressure points start to ache like youd never believe. Perhaps it genetic pre-disposition... my dads an Alcoholic. And my disposition isnt mimicry, as my mom left his ass before I was 2, and I really dont know him at all. No, I think its something genetic/ chemical based. I just dont enjoy alcohol much at all.

 

Point is, Its easy to do what is pleasing. And for me its an endless cycle. Stopping something like that is ridiculously hard. Its better not to play with temptation as I smoked a few times since I quit and I did NOT want to stop. I wanted to buy more more more. Problem is Im lazy and all I wanted to do is smoke up and play games all waking hours of the day. Yes it's fun but Im 31 now. When would it stop. It'd be sad if I was a 70 year old pot head that still played games high as fuck.

 

So... just think hard about what it is you want and stick to what is realistic. Everything you do is done in steps. The path of pleasure is quick, but the path back out is long and tedious. I bet you'd love to go out for a drink. Your a brit, of course you would. heh. But there is too much of a good thing, really.

 

Oh sidenote. I knew a guy named Byron. He began drinking and smoking early on but eventually got to pills and shit. On his girls Bday, we were all at Kobe and having a good time. He got "down" and waited in the car because he was ready to go. Everyone else was still talking and visiting in the restaurant. I went out for a smoke and he told me to go back in and try to get her to come out so they can go home. When we did eventually come out he was gone... they lived together and he was her ride. She had to get dropped off by her mom and he wasnt there either, Nowhere to be found. Turns out he was scoring some pills or whatever. He was a straight up addict. On top of all that, we spoke often and he told me he has chemical imbalances now and mental conditions from all the pills he has taken. He never had such problems before he was a pill head. The constant "poisoning" fucked his head all up. Same can be said for anything that has an effect. Weed, alcohol whatever. Just some work faster than others. I remember you mentioning something earlier in this thread about weed but remember, the same applies to alcohol too.

 

And as always, I am not trying to tell you what to do or judge or even trying to be an know it all... Im just putting in my thoughts and thats all. Im just making sure you know where I'm coming from.

 

:Done ranting:

[emsley]

Someone understands.

Ive been bad on weed as well when i was younger i defently did some long term damage for sure there.

Weed brought in my first panic attacks and now for whatever reason I cant go near the stuff my body and mind just reject it flat out.

(although i really do miss the days when you could get some really nice soap and it chilled you out instead of all this hardcore bush stuff there is now)

 

I was the same with weed I would have a blast of a pipe to wake me up and level me out.

 

I had depression for about 8 years a lot of people still see it as "something you can snap out of" bull poop!!!

Its nearly been two months for my meds and they are working but im pretty sure i need my dose upping, its shit waiting for them getting in my system id just sleep all the time.

 

well im getting closer now to levelling out

[Krosigrim]

Yea about the panicking, I had that after I quit, then toked up again. I got waay too high and was almost freaking out. I know people who had the same... one guy talked a friend of mine out of it, telling him it was his mind snowballing the effect and just chill out. And he did just that.

 

HAHAHA I remember a friend of mine had stopped, then smoked with us in the garage after a long dry spell... he had to leave 'cause he kept imagining my head exploding and couldnt snap out of it heh.

[solidius23]

man you guys were smoking some good shit.

[Krosigrim]

LOL not necessarily. If you smoke like crazy then quit, I believe you are more sensitive to its effects later on, as opposed to de-sensitized. Thats what I believe anyway, who knows. A couple of tokes of regular stuff would blaze me up though.

[emsley]

It gets me with people who go "weed gave you panick attacks?"

Im like "well yeah!!!"

[Hawq]

I had depression for about 8 years a lot of people still see it as "something you can snap out of" bull poop!!!

Its nearly been two months for my meds and they are working but im pretty sure i need my dose upping, its shit waiting for them getting in my system id just sleep all the time.

 

well im getting closer now to levelling out

may be bad waiting but at least they do something for you, I always found em to be as effective as eating mints, less even as with the mints I'd have had minty fresh breath (lousy being immune to the things that are meant to help) still therapy on the way so maybe they'll find the trouble & sort it, after about half a life in this state gonna be tough

[emsley]

Hawq Deppresion and anxiety in all its forms can be dealt with now.

I had psychiatrist but only went to see him 3 times, they are pretty sure as I am that I have genuinely bad wiring and the meds are pretty essential for me at the moment.

Trouble is you want to tell the psychiatrist all your worrys ins and outs to isolate roots etc...

A good psychiatrist is a very skilled individual and you should trust in them, all the ones i have known have been very compassionate people.

 

The first time round they put me on Dosulepin and man did it Knock me the fuck out I could sleep for the universe.

Then I jacked that shit in after a few years of my life been a mist and a year later I started on Citalopram (Celexa) and the first time round this medication was AWESOME.

I had balls of steel, 99% anxiety free and felt like my old self again, but this time round after a few years of abusing the beer the Citalopram (Celexa) has taken a while to work in and I still feel fucking odd with each day that passes. Im pretty sure I need to be on at least 30mg daily or 40 even and im currently on 20mg not enough in my onion.

 

Hawq hopefully you will find a med that suits you, or hopefully therapy will help a lot.

if i was given the choice of feeling depressed or a pill everyday i know id take the pill.

And I have never been ashamed to say "im on anti depressants" its an illness like losing a leg, your brain has got to function before the rest of you can.

[Hawq]

amen to the head needing to be right before anything else is gonna work, now if I can just get the job centre to see that as well my main thrust can be on trying to get better so I can find work

[The-Ice-Man]

Depressed? On meds? Drugs? Join 1emulation!

 

What's going on here guys?

 

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