Others perceptions

[Krosigrim]

My sister was a pushover. Before I came along she was a with the flow kinda girl, always let others step on her. Well for the mostpart. When she married and her husband was deployed overseas she had time to herself and to grow as an individual, without someone else to "get in the way" as it were.

 

When we met (reunited) I would often lift her up and have her speak her mind, or state that what someone else did was fucked up etc. I allowed her to not feel out of place or awkward when speaking her mind.

 

Well now my sister acts like an individual. When growing up her mom (half sister) would always control her one way or another. Kept her on a short leash. Our Dad is a control freak and would always try to control everyone. Now she is not to be led and her folks are acting all weird. Her mom even said in text "I think we both miss the way we were" What the fuck is that?!

 

I believe now that she has her own mind (so to speak) the parental units are upset 'cause whatever reason. I think thats BULLSHIT and unnecessarily hurtful. My sister now feels sad because of certain behaviors the parents show. Fuck them and their controlling nonesense. BOTH of them think their shit doesnt stink and refuse to look inward to see they constantly contradict themselves. And the fact that they are both assholes.

 

Long to short... My sister is an individual and she is getting hell for it. Its crazy talk I tell you.

[veristic]

Nobody ever said that family doesn't come with a price. Thats the sad truth.

 

Hell, just last night during my dad's birthday dinner, I get a bunch of relatives telling me about how they know this nice Korean girl they could introduce me to, knowing full-well I am in a committed relationship (she isn't Korean). My mom even goes so far to say "you can just spend time together as friends, you know, hang-out, have lunch together) and I have another cousin who openly asks to see a picture of my girlfriend and then say "well she's not very pretty is she" (they say that about every non-Korean who isn't a movie star) out loud. And you know, thats the type of shit i've come to expect from my family because thats how they are. Her husband was like "hey... don't say that" and she goes "we're family, it's ok being honest around family" to which I replied "well she's entitled to her opinion, not that it changes anything".

 

I've learned not to care and let people's pov's matter because in the end, people will always believe what they choose to believe. It goes just the same here when we get into our discussions. People will believe what they want to and say what they want to. I find that tact is a less common trait in society now-a-days while I try to observe and practice it as best I can. But you can't expect it from other people, thats what i've come to learn. Not even from family.

 

And they can continue to behave that way, the consequences they don't realize being that it just pushes me further away from them. Lol and I have no problem with that.

[solidius23]

Nobody ever said that family doesn't come with a price. Thats the sad truth.

 

Hell, just last night during my dad's birthday dinner, I get a bunch of relatives telling me about how they know this nice Korean girl they could introduce me to, knowing full-well I am in a committed relationship (she isn't Korean). My mom even goes so far to say "you can just spend time together as friends, you know, hang-out, have lunch together) and I have another cousin who openly asks to see a picture of my girlfriend and then say "well she's not very pretty is she" (they say that about every non-Korean who isn't a movie star) out loud. And you know, thats the type of shit i've come to expect from my family because thats how they are. Her husband was like "hey... don't say that" and she goes "we're family, it's ok being honest around family" to which I replied "well she's entitled to her opinion, not that it changes anything".

 

I've learned not to care and let people's pov's matter because in the end, people will always believe what they choose to believe. It goes just the same here when we get into our discussions. People will believe what they want to and say what they want to. I find that tact is a less common trait in society now-a-days while I try to observe and practice it as best I can. But you can't expect it from other people, thats what i've come to learn. Not even from family.

 

And they can continue to behave that way, the consequences they don't realize being that it just pushes me further away from them. Lol and I have no problem with that.

the man speaks truth

[Krosigrim]

Hmmm.

 

Family is always fucked right? I have an Aunt and Uncle who would... Ok. Example. Thanksgiving. We were at my Grandmas house and my Aunt and Uncle came over last. After everyone was done eating, they left right then and there. They didnt stay to help with the dishes, socialize, anything. My Stepdad was so pissed he claimed if they were all together again he would park behind them so they cant leave... so they have to help with the dishes.

 

You see, my Grandma is a widower. She is up in age and gets tired easy. It is polite to help with the dishes and even at a friends house, when I use a dish or whatever, at the very least I rinse all the food off a plate or rinse out a cup when im done. They ALWAYS dip... its very much like they show up, consume all they can and leave without so much as a thank you... really. Its more like ok, we gotta go now.

 

They do other stuff too but it would take crushing walls of text to explain fully.

 

Family shouldnt act like this... but its more often, unfortunately, that family acts worse than strangers. We are suppose to stick together... not push away.

[Skythe]

Kill 'em all with fire!

 

I had an aunt who accused my mother of being a bad parent cuz said aunt accused me and my brother of becoming Satanic. I blame everything (downfall of society, MTV, etc) on Christianity.

 

 

 

 

I have no idea where I'm going with this.

[Mag]

That's the shit I had to put up with almost all my life. It's always this damn 2nd generation of grandparents/parents they know what's best for their kids. I speak on behalf of all Asians who had to put up with the same shit. Always, constant nagging and encouragement on following what they think it's good for us. The problem with Chinese parents is that they tend to be stubborn. More of the issue is that they become a nuisance and trying to bring order to our lives like most Chinese parents would forbid interracial marriage for the reason of language barrier and the future of our family tree. It's ridiculous how old generation Asians has become.

[2eyez]

That's the shit I had to put up with almost all my life. It's always this damn 2nd generation of grandparents/parents they know what's best for their kids. I speak on behalf of all Asians who had to put up with the same shit. Always, constant nagging and encouragement on following what they think it's good for us. The problem with Chinese parents is that they tend to be stubborn. More of the issue is that they become a nuisance and trying to bring order to our lives like most Chinese parents would forbid interracial marriage for the reason of language barrier and the future of our family tree. It's ridiculous how old generation Asians has become.

That's why some of us are not where we are suppose to be in life. FUCKING THANK YOU MOM AND DAD.

[Krosigrim]

Hmm. Well Asian Culture, to my understanding, sees us outsiders. It can be expected as there havent been many generations here. Living relatives who came from the homeland. But it is a very American thing to accept... even though a great many do not.

 

Anyway, my sisters Mom is a control freak. Another tediously long story short, she got back with her man, but will not allow him to buy cable TV... even though HE is the one who is working. He is full of fail as he accepts this... along with a insane list of crazy behavior. Another example... When my sis was still at home, and dating her husband, when he would come over, her Mom would put him to work. Yardwork, painting, this list too, is long. She held such control over her, she didnt let her do ANYTHING. At 18 she had a curfew. Had chores. Was still treated like a child... but overbearing and super controlling.

 

And our Dad controls in separate but just as powerful ways... so she had the full spectrum of controlled life. Now she is most different and they dont know how to handle it. They feel they NEED to control everything and cannot, so they do and say hurtful things.

 

On several occasions this week I wanted to call them up and bitch them out.

[Agozer]

After reading all of the above, I can say that I'm very proud of my mom (being a single parent, and the fact that I've never met my father - and he died in 2002). Anyway, I've had all kinds of arguments with my mom over what I should and should not do, but I chalk that up as two very strong-willed people trying to cope with each other, and that my mom truly worries about me.

 

The bad part of this is that she still feels that I'm not fully able to take care of myself (even at the age of 27, mind you), and this quite literally keeps her up at night when she thinks how uncertain my future supposedly is.

 

Even so, my mom is very far from being a control freak, but she is strikingly old-fashioned when it comes to certain things, and the same trait can be found in her brothers and sisters to a degree. It's very troublesome but does a good job showcasing the generation gap, where our opinions and views are very far apart. Her brother is quite an extreme version of this, as he thinks that credit/debit cards are unreliable and always pays everything with cash, sees everything from video games to home theaters as evil --- and openly chastises today's youth (myself included) for being work-shunning techheads that do not appreciate the ways his generation was accustomed with.

[Krosigrim]

Thats cool! Mom mom is similar. I had to move back in with her and her and at the time, new husband when I was 19 or so. I had no curfew, they didnt need to know where I was, but if I was coming home for dinner preparation reasons.

 

But its a good sign that she worries... My mom does as well. Parents always want better for their children than what they had. My mom always tells me I'm too good for whatever job I have... and she is right. I cop out and get some simple job most often.

 

Generation gaps are complex. I believe it is more on par with they have grown up and seen decades of shit. They often forget what it is like to be young. Or they remember the stuff they regret and shun the possible experiences in general.

 

My mom did a great job, but I feel real bad because I have not done much to show her she did do right by me. Im lazy, I still have yet to choose a solid vocation, I dont work with my talents (Art and creative design) Hell she thought I should have become a lawyer 'cause I always debate quite well. Parents see the potential in us... even if we think they are projecting their values on us. Their hearts are in the right place and I would be so lucky to be the parent my mom is.

[L.S.D]

My family always thought that i dont earn enough to spend.

 

So, i just keep encouraging them to think that and i dont need to spend a single cent whenever we have family dinner