Does your family annoy you and drag you down?

[emsley]

You ever get to the point you think "Hey maybe it isnt me, maybe it's them?"

After the birth of my kid, I seem to be thinking I should brake away, they never really help me unless its shitting on me then trying to make me feel like it's my fault. I know we need/love our famlies but sometimes I wonder if to wake them up you have to get tough with them.

[MaximumRD]

Honestly, both my wife and I have issues with our families. We moved pretty far away, that distance makes a great "excuse" and buffer, and honestly, through social media we have re-connected with worth while friends and family. I wanted to respond to you because likely you have heard from friends or other family members things like "Oh no, stick with the family" , "Family comes first", "You need to work it out" etc but I am here to say as you have probably experienced not everyone can understand or relate to another persons family issues and NO you don't always need to stand by your family and stick with them regardless of how they treat you. Sometimes, you need to put your foot down HARD, put you and your wife/child first as a priority and if the family members who are annoying you or dumping on you realize your more than a door mat then let them come to you. As an example both my mother and her brother are worry warts, glass half empty types, always assuming the worse. It took years longer than I care to admit but one day I put my foot down and said "Look, I am tired of hearing about nothing but your problems in life, when you call I automatically was bummed out knowing I was going to hear all about your latest troubles, instead of bitching and complaining why don't you DO something about them?" . I know they were shocked, stunned etc. The end result was my mother would actually call and talk about things OTHER than problems. Sadly my Uncle I hardly ever hear from now, since he knows he cannot just dump all his problems on me anymore apparently I am of no use. Yeah it was the hardest thing I ever did and you know what? I am glad I did it and I would not think 2x to do it again!

[veristic]

They do annoy me but they don't drag me down, fortunately. You know we don't ask to be born, or get to choose who our parents are so that can't change. Only thing we can change is how to deal with family, and if that means going your own way then by all means, for your betterment.

[emsley]

Good posts guys, thanks for sharing.

I just feel for the past year or two I have become some kind of "predictable" member.

They think they know what I want, they dont answer phones, and my sister only calls me when she needs something. (help with jkids or a job doing)

I think the only way I can get change is to become more independent of them, times are hard and sure I get the odd meal at my mothers house and lend the odd 20 bucks, but just by doing this it feels like they own me and I have no status among my immediate family.

When they are in a bad mood im the release, if I release on them im been "abusive."

[Skythe]

I have to bite my tongue everyday when dealing with my mother because she has Alzheimers.