Diso Posted April 11, 2004 Share Posted April 11, 2004 I wondered why no one likes jokes. I like them. And theres hasn't been a topic like this in a while so I'm giving permission for this to happen. First Joke--------There's these three guys stranded on an island. They then find this magic lamp. The all rub it and the Genie comes out and grantes them each 1 wish. The first guy wishes he was home. The second guy wishes he was home. The third guy says:"Man, I'm so lonely, I wish those guys were here." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diso Posted April 11, 2004 Author Share Posted April 11, 2004 At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon." In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics: 1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day. 2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car. 3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this. 4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine. 5. Apple would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads. 6. The oil, water, temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation!" warning light. 7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying. 8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you outand refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna. 9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car. 10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engineoff. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fatal Rose Posted April 11, 2004 Share Posted April 11, 2004 That was so funny I forgot to laugh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gryph Posted April 11, 2004 Share Posted April 11, 2004 Here's one for those Aussie boys. ----------Shirley always wanted to see Australia, so she saved her money and went off on a two-week tour. She'd only been there three days when she fell head over heels in love with a kangaroo. So she blithely disregarded the advice of her tour guide and companions, had an aboriginal priest perform the wedding ceremony, and brought her new husband back to her house in the Midwest. But she found that the course of new love was not without its problems, and in a few months she decided to consult a marriage counselor. "Frankly, in your case it's not hard to put my finger on the heart of the problem," said the counselor almost immediately. "Besides the obvious ethnic and cultural differences between you and your husband, its's clearly going to be impossible to establish genuine lines of communication with a kangaroo." "Oh that's not it all," Shirley broke in. "My husband and I communicate perfectly-except in bed. There it's nothing but hop on, hop off, hop on, hop off..."------------ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shibathedog Posted April 11, 2004 Share Posted April 11, 2004 haha This is on you will only get if you live In either Illinois or Wisconsin What is the difference between a Cheesehead and a shithead? The Cheeseheads are from Wisconsin and the Shitheads are from Illinois Theres kinda a big fued between them, kinda like Michigan and Ohio, everyone is telling me not to turn into a hillbilly when i move there, and i bet its some crappy college football thing, college football blows, let it go People from wisconsin also call people from illinois FIB for flocking Illinois Bastard I have friends in both places so i know this Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Weirdy Posted April 11, 2004 Share Posted April 11, 2004 (edited) ...here's an old one... (parental Advisory, 16 and older, if you're younger, don't read, yes Diso, that means you...j/k) Batman and Robin are drunk from coming out of a club and they're ready to go back to the bat cave. Then Robin says..."hey Batman, c'mon buddy, lemme drive the Batmobile" Batman says "f*ck no man, I have too much insurance too pay this sh¡t for you to f*ck it up!!*....Robin says "c'mon p*ssy!! lemme drive!" so Batman finally lets him drive them back to the bat cave safely(believe it or not)...then when they get back and park it (Alfred is asleep)...Batman says "Robin...give me a kiss "....Robin says "eewww...hell no man, I aint gay!!" then Batman says"but you were using the shift stick!!" Robin says "so"...and Batman says "the Batmobile is automatic " Edited April 11, 2004 by Weirdanzeige Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shibathedog Posted April 11, 2004 Share Posted April 11, 2004 ROFL thats a good one..hah..woo...funny.. I think kids under 16 would get that though, i would have gotten that when i was 9 probaly younger...sad world we live in where kids know about yoinking at such a young age Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-VIOLENCE- Posted April 11, 2004 Share Posted April 11, 2004 ...here's an old one... (parental Advisory, 16 and older, if you're younger, don't read, yes Diso, that means you...j/k) Batman and Robin are drunk from coming out of a club and they're ready to go back to the bat cave. Then Robin says..."hey Batman, c'mon buddy, lemme drive the Batmobile" Batman says "f*ck no man, I have too much insurance too pay this sh¡t for you to f*ck it up!!*....Robin says "c'mon p*ssy!! lemme drive!" so Batman finally lets him drive them back to the bat cave safely(believe it or not)...then when they get back and park it (Alfred is asleep)...Batman says "Robin...give me a kiss "....Robin says "eewww...hell no man, I aint gay!!" then Batman says"but you were using the shift stick!!" Robin says "so"...and Batman says "the Batmobile is automatic "ha, i knew they were bi-sexual swingers... those outfits gave it away... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shibathedog Posted April 11, 2004 Share Posted April 11, 2004 yep, never trust a man in tights...or rubbery tight clothing....or...just about anything tight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Agozer Posted April 11, 2004 Share Posted April 11, 2004 Hahahah. They bi an into bondage...but I'm bordering good taste here, because this is a forum for all ages. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diso Posted April 11, 2004 Author Share Posted April 11, 2004 ...here's an old one... (parental Advisory, 16 and older, if you're younger, don't read, yes Diso, that means you...j/k) Batman and Robin are drunk from coming out of a club and they're ready to go back to the bat cave. Then Robin says..."hey Batman, c'mon buddy, lemme drive the Batmobile" Batman says "f*ck no man, I have too much insurance too pay this sh¡t for you to f*ck it up!!*....Robin says "c'mon p*ssy!! lemme drive!" so Batman finally lets him drive them back to the bat cave safely(believe it or not)...then when they get back and park it (Alfred is asleep)...Batman says "Robin...give me a kiss "....Robin says "eewww...hell no man, I aint gay!!" then Batman says"but you were using the shift stick!!" Robin says "so"...and Batman says "the Batmobile is automatic "Yeah take advantage of my age Meh its not bad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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