Posting joke out of boredom

[L.S.D]

Once, there was a girl who had to go for a operation. Her boyfriend and her blood type were in the same group... so he donated his blood so that she can continue with the operation...

 

After some time, the 2 of them starts to have miscommunication and so as the days went by, the love between them starts to diminish. And one day, the girlfriend asked for a breakup... so the guy was very angry and he retorted by saying "I WANT my blood BAck~!!!"

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hence the girl went in of the toilet and came out, threw at him a bloody kotex pad and said "i'll pay u in monthly installments..."

[Gryph]

Hahaha! Disgusting yet funny.

 

Here is one:

 

One day there was a blind man walking down the street and he smelled oranges, so he bought some fruit.

He smelled some pastries, so he bought some donuts.

Then he walked passed a fish market, took a hard sniff, and said, "Hello ladies!"

Edited July 12, 2004 by GryphonKlaw

[L.S.D]

Muahahaha!!! But i am sure girls dun smell like fishes.

Wait! Some do!

here's another one.

 

A guy was sitting quietly reading his paper when his wife walked up behind him and whacked him on the head with a frying pan. "What was that for?" he asked. "That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name MaryLou written on it," she replied.

 

>

 

"Two weeks ago when I went to the races, MaryLou was the name of one of the horses I bet on," he explained. "Oh honey, I'm sorry," she said. "I should have known there was a good explanation."

 

>

 

Three days later he was watching a ball game on TV when she walked up and hit him in the head again, this time with the iron skillet, which knocked him out cold.

 

>

 

When he came to, he asked, "What the hell was that for?" She replied "Your horse called."

[Gryph]

What do a gynocologist and a pizza boy have in common?

 

They can smell it but they cant eat it!!

 

[L.S.D]

Lesson One:

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"

The eagle answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit

sat on the ground below the eagle, and rested. All of

a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and

ate it.

Management Lesson?

To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting

very, very high up.

----------------------------

Lesson Two:

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree, " sighed the turkey, " but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my dropping?" replied the bull. "They're packed with

nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after the fourth night, he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Management Lesson?

Bull crap might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lesson Three:

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to

>>> >realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard

the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Management Lesson?

1)Not everyone who craps on you is your enemy.

2)Not everyone who gets you out of crap is your friend.

3)And when you're in deep crap, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

 

This ends your management course.

 

 

The World is not dangerous because of those who do harm but because of those who

look at it without doing anything.

- Albert Einstein -

Edited July 12, 2004 by L.S.D

[BoomBa_GoosE]

that was very very entertaining and deep man haha. very insightful. and kudos to the usage of dung =) haha

[L.S.D]

Well, here's another one

 

There is a factory in America which makes the Tickle

> Me Elmo toys. The

> toy laughs when you tickle it under the arm. A new

> employee is hired at

> the Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her

> first day promptly at

> 0800.

>

> The next day at 0845 there is a knock at the

> Personnel Manager's door.

> The Foreman from the assembly line throws open the

> door and begins to

> rant about the new employee. He complains that she

> is incredibly slow

> and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line

> behind schedule.

>

> The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for

> himself so the 2

> men march down to the factory floor. When they get

> there the line is so

> backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over

> the factory floor and

> they're really beginning to pile up. At the end of

> the line stands the

> new employee surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me

> Elmo's. She has a roll

> of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.

> The 2 men watch in

> amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric,

> wraps it around two

> marbles and begins to carefully sew the little

> package between Elmo's

> legs.

>

> The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After

> several minutes of

> hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches

> the woman. "I'm

> sorry," he says to her, barely able to keep a

> straight face, "but I

> think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday"......

>

> "Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles"

[ugenn]

My contribution to this thread:

 

A plane was about to crash and there were five people on board and only four parachutes. The first person said, "I'm an emergency room physician in a small town, and I save lives routinely. There's a shortage, and it would be very hard to replace me. I think we should take that into consideration when we decide who gets a parachute." So he gets a parachute and bails out.

The second person said, "I'm his emergency room nurse, and what the doctor says applies to me as well. I should also mention that I have two young children and a third on the way." So she gets a parachute and bails out.

This leaves a 10-year-old schoolgirl, George Dubya Five-to-Four Bush, the Pope, and two parachutes. Bush says, "Ah'm George W. Bush, the Ruler of the Universe, and only Ah know how to rule it right. Why, the world'd go to Hell in a handbasket without me. Now, I know some are with me and some are with the enemy, and Ah'm told at least one of you is with the enemy. So Ah'm not askin' for a parachute, Ah'm jes takin' one." So off he goes.

The Pope said: "Child, I am old and frail and have lived my life while you are young with everything before you. You take theparachute and I will stay with the aircraft and take my chance."

"It's okay," said the girl. "There are still two parachutes. Bush picked up my schoolbag."

[Shibathedog]

ive heard that one, but all good jokes

[L.S.D]

It's another slow day at work, so here's another joke

 

 

 

To all my friends, thanks to you sending me chain letters in 2004:

 

* I stopped drinking Coca Cola after I found out that it's good for

removing toilet stains.

 

* I stopped going to the movies for fear of sitting on a

needle infected with AIDS.

 

* I smell like a dog since I stopped using deodorants because they cause

cancer.

 

* I don't leave my car in the parking lot or any other place and sometimes

I even have to walk about 7 blocks for fear that someone will drug me with

a perfume sample and try to rob me.

 

* I also stopped answering the phone for fear that they ask me to dial a

stupid number and then I get a phone bill from hell with calls to Uganda,

Singapore and Tokyo.

 

* I stopped consuming several foods for fear that the estrogens they

contain may turn me gay.

 

* I also stopped eating chicken and hamburgers because they are nothing

other than horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers that are bred in

a lab so that places like McDonalds can sell their Big Macs.

 

* I also stopped drinking anything out of a can for fear that I will get

sick from the rat feces and urine.

 

* I think I'm turning gay because when I go to parties, I don't look at any

girl no matter how hot she is, for fear that she will take my kidneys and

leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.

 

* I also donated all my savings to the Amy Bruce account. A sick girl that

was about to die in the hospital about 7,000 times. Funny that girl, she's

been 7 since 1993...

 

* I went bankrupt from bounced checks that I made expecting the $15,000

that Microsoft and AOL were supposed to send me when I participated in

their special e-mail program.

 

* My Ericcson phone never arrived and neither did the passes for a paid

vacation to Disneyland.

*

* But I am positive that all this is the cause of a stinking

chain that I broke or forgot to follow and I got a curse from hell.

[ilike2l33ch]

what's the difference between a pizza and a jew?

 

 

pizza's don't scream when they are thrown into the oven

 

LOLOLOL!!!111!!one!!one!