Lord of the Rings: 1337 version

[Chaotica]

part 1

 

----

 

[At Bilbo's 111th Birthday]

Merry: "Omg, I pwn"

Pippin: "Sif, I pwn"

**Rocket goes off

Gandalf: "Pwned!"

 

Bilbo: "This = shiz, bai foos"

Bilbo has left the server

Frodo: "***!?"

 

[later, in Bag End]

Gandalf: "Give teh ringz0r to Frodo"

Bilbo: "Sif! It r precious!"

Gandalf: "STFU NOOB!!!"

Bilbo: "ok"

Gandalf has logged on as admin

Bilbo has been kicked from The Shire

 

**Later

Gandalf: "Show me teh ring, foo!"

**Gandalf rides out, does some research, comes back

Gandalf: "OMGZ, it R teh ring!"

Frodo: "***?"

Gandalf has logged on as admin

Frodo has been kicked from The Shire

Sam has been kicked from The Shire

 

[At Isengard]

Gandalf: "sup dawg, i r g4nd4lf da gr3y!"

Saruman: "Foo! U R teh noob!"

Gandalf: "***?!"

Saruman: "Sauron pwns joo!"

Gandalf: "Sif, I R leet"

**Sarumon beats the **** out of Gandalf

Saruman: "Pwned!"

 

[on the road to Bree]

Merry: "look foos, shrooms!"

Pippin: "Woot! Shrooms!"

Frodo: "Ph34r!"

Sam: "Shrooms!"

Frodo: "PH34R!1!1"

**black rider stops, sniffs, goes past

Frodo: "OMG, packetloss!"

 

[bree, in the Inn of the Prancing Pony]

**Frodo is drinking and dancing on a table, then slips

Frodo has left the server

Frodo has connected to the server

Frodo: "OMGz, dc'd"

Aragorn: "OMG, noobz"

 

[at Weathertop]

Merry: "Mmm, shrooms!"

**MERRY IS BROADCASTING HIS IP ADDRESS!!!

Frodo: "Foos! Ph34r teh haxorz"

 

**the black riders attack

Merry: "OMG!!!"

Sam: "O.M.G!!!11"

Pippin: "***"

Frodo has left the server

**head nazgul stabs Frodo's ghost

Frodo has connected to the server

Frodo: "***... hax!"

**Aragorn lraps into the fray with a flaming brand

Aragorn: "PH34r!!!!!!"

Merry: "LOLOL flamed! "

 

[on the road to Rivendell]

Aragorn: "ZOMG!Arwen!"

**Arwen rides up

Aragorn: "A/S/L? Wanna net secks?"

Arwen: "Sif! *** is up with Frodo?"

Sam: "teh leet Hax0r "

Arwen: "Firewall?"

 

**Arwen rides off with Frodo, the nazgul give chase. Arwen crosses the ford at Rivendell.

Arwen: "PH34R!! My dad pwns urs!"

**nazgul start to cross

Arwen: "LOLOLOLO noobs!!1!"

**the ford rises up and washes the nazgul away

Warning: Connection Problems Detected

nazgul has disconnected

nazgul has disconnected

nazgul has disconnected

nazgul has disconnected

nazgul has disconnected

nazgul has disconnected

nazgul has disconnected

Arwen: "Pwnt"

 

[at the Council of Elrond]

Gimli: "dwarves pwn!"

Legolas: "Sif, Elves pwn!"

Boromir: "OLOLOL noobs, men pwn!"

Elrond: "STFU tards!!1!"

**Frodo puts the ring on the plinth

Gimili: "Sif ring pwns all!"

**Gimli swings his axe at it, which shatters

Elrond: "**sigh, noob"

 

[Frodo meets up with Bilbo]

Bilbo: "OLOL, me = 10th level thief!"

Frodo: "OMG, u r teh pwn!"

Bilbo: "Do u still have teh ringz0r?"

**Frodo shows Bilbo the One Ring

Bilbo: "OMG u tard, I want to TK you!"

Frodo: "sif!"

Bilbo: "ph34r my mithril"

 

[The Fellowship leaves Rivendell]

**Gandalf leads the fellowship through the mountains

Legolas: "ZOMG, leet gfx!"

Gimli: "I R dropping frames! FFS"

**There's an avalanche which threatens to knock them off the shelf

Gimli: "Gandalf, teh draw distance is too far!1!!1"

Gandalf: "**Sigh. Moria?"

Gimli votes to change map to Moria

Votes 4 of 4 required

Legolas: "lolol Gimli, time to upgrade!"

 

[The fellowship approaches the gates of Moria]

Gandalf: "FFS, its too hard! Anyone got a walkthrough?"

**The gates of Mordor open, but the Guardian attacks!

Frodo: "OMG! ph34r!"

Boromir: "GL HF"

Aragorn [broadsword] guardian

Legolas [arrow] guardian

Gandalf: "gg"

 

part 2

 

------

 

[The fellowship enters the mines of Moria]

Gimli: "OMG!!!! PWNED!"

 

**After travelling some time in the dark the Fellowship come to a chamber with a large well

Gandalf: "teh bookz0r has some clues!"

**Merry knocks a skeleton in armour down the well

Gandalf: "OMG! noob!"

Merry: "d'oh"

**The fellowship hears the ork drums

Boromir: "***?"

Aragorn: "***?"

Frodo: "..."

Gandalf: "Oh ffs >.<"

**the fellowhip shores up the doors as the orks come

Boromir: "TEAMS FFS!"

Aragorn [broadsword] ork

Gimli [axe] ork

Legolas [arrow] ork

Aragorn [broadsword] ork

Aragorn [broadsword] ork

Boromir [broadsword] ork

Gimli [axe] ork

Gimli [axe] ork

ork: "OMG! h4x!"

Gimli: "pwned"!

Legolas [arrow] ork

Legolas [arrow] ork

Legolas: "lol!!"

Boromir [broadsword] ork

Gimli [axe] ork

Gimli: "Foos!"

Legolas [arrow] ork

ork: "ffs, wallhax!"

**The cavetroll enters the chambers destroying the doors

Gandalf: "Oh ffs!"

Boromir: "Omg, its teh boss!"

Aragorn: "Sif noob, we're not at teh end yet!"

**Cavetroll slams Boromir and Aragorn out of the way, and then skewers Frodo

Sam: "OMG!"

Gandalf: "OMG!"

Aragorn: "omg, pwn!"

**Legolas jumps on the cavetroll and shoots arrows down into its head

Legolas [arrow] cavetroll

Ork: "OMG! PWNED!"

Gimli: "LOLOOLOL! noobs"

**The fellowship then runs through Moria, chased the whole way by a horde of orks

Boromir: "FFS! Teams, foos!"

**A flaming shadow starts to follow them, and the orks withdraw

Aragorn: "Now THIS is teh boss!"

Gandalf: "OMG!"

**The fellowship take to long flights of stairs that are starting to crumble and fall. Orks shoot at them with arrows.

Legolas: "LOL, noobs. Chex0r this out!1!"

Legolas [arrow] ork

Legolas [arrow] ork

ork: "AIMBOT!"

ork: "turn it off!"

Legolas: "lolol!"

**The fellowship crosses a bridge, Gandalf stops to confront the balrog

Gandalf: "joo shall not pass!"

Balrog: "***?"

Gandalf: "JOO SHALL NOT PASS!"

Balrog: "Sif, noob"

**Gandalf strikes the bridge with his staff, cracking it and causing it to break under the Balrog's weight

Balrog: "ZOMG! PWNED!"

Frodo: "OMG! Gandalf!"

**The Balrog falls and in a last act of defiance strikes out with its whip, entangling Gandalf

Gandalf: "D'oh"

Frodo: "OMG, joo foo!"

Gandalf: "fly u foos, fly!"

**Gandalf lets go and follows the Balrog into the crevass

Gandalf has left the server

Balrog has disconnected

 

[After escaping Moria the fellowship finds itself in Loth Lorien]

**The fellowship rests, and in the night Frodo speaks with Galadriel

Galadriel: "For a noob, u r teh leet!"

Frodo: "Sif. I don't want teh ringz0r. Do u want teh ringz0r?"

Galadriel: "******! SIF I want teh ringz0r. I have enough h4x of my own!1"

 

[The fellowship leaves Loth Lorien and sets out via river]

Saurman: "ph34r my army of uruk hai! Go outz0r, find teh hobbitz and pwnz0r them!"

uruk hai: "leet!"

 

[stopping at the banks of the river, the Fellowship sets up camp]

**Frodo goes off looking for firewood, Boromir follows and confronts him

Boromir: "Gimmie teh ringz0r so ** hax can fight teh boss!"

Frodo: "Sif, foo. Punkbuster will pwn joo!"

Boromir: "Naw, we play on non-pb servers"

Frodo: "STFU noob"

Frodo has left the server

Boromir: "***! FRODO! Bring teh ringz0r back, faghat!"

 

**A group of Uruk Hai encounter Boromir

Boromir: "OH FFS, TEAMS!!"

Uruk Hai [arrow] Boromir

Uruk Hai [arrow] Boromir

Uruk Hai [arrow] Boromir

Uruk Hai [arrow] Boromir

Uruk Hai [arrow] Boromir

Uruk Hai [arrow] Boromir

Uruk Hai [arrow] Boromir

Uruk Hai [arrow] Boromir

Boromir: "****ing campers"

**Aragorn comes across the battle

Aragorn: "Boromir joo noob! ***!"

Uruk Hai: "Hah, pwn!"

Aragorn [broadsword] Uruk Hai

Aragorn: "I bring joo teh pwn!"

**Aragorn goes to Boromir

Boromir: "Damn lag!"

Warning: Connection problems detected

Boromir has disconnected

Aragorn: "FFS!"

 

[Frodo returns to the bank of the river where he gets into a boat. Sam 'sees' him]

Sam: "Frodo! ***! Invisibility h4x!"

Frodo has connected to the server

Frodo: "Sam, STFU and FOAD!"

Sam: "Sif!"

Frodo: "Oh, ffs n00b!"

 

3Nd!!!!11

[Wizard]

Thats gotta come from the BASH.org version.

[Agozer]

That was pretty funny, BASH.org or not.

[Sultan]

had to google some of that just to find out what it meant

Us old people, we're not up on the newest lingo

[random guy]

In that spirit - check this out - http://www.google.com/intl/xx-hacker/.

17$ g00gle 4 1337 h4><0r$

[OverlordMondo]

Da bald wieder Weihnachten ist, haben sich einige 1337 haxx0rs dazu entschieden,

den Massen an unerfahrenen Usern im Netz ein paar schöne

[Agozer]

Da bald wieder Weihnachten ist, haben sich einige 1337 haxx0rs dazu entschieden,

den Massen an unerfahrenen Usern im Netz ein paar schöne

German looks and sounds evil. Ich bin ein Berliner...nicht.