Wizard Posted September 23, 2004 Share Posted September 23, 2004 Topeka, KS - High school sophomore Brett Tyson was suspended today after teachers learned he may be using PHP. "A teacher overheard him say that he was using PHP, and as part of our Zero-Tolerance policy against drug use, he was immediately suspended. No questions asked," said Principal Clyde Thurlow. "We're not quite sure what PHP is, but we suspect it may be a derivative of PCP, or maybe a new designer drug like GHB." php_logoParents are frightened by the discovery of this new menace in their children's school, and are demanding the school do something. "We heard that he found out about PHP at school on the internet. There may even be a PHP web ring operating on school grounds," said irate parent Carol Blessing. "School is supposed to be teaching our kids how to read and write. Not about dangerous drugs like PHP." In response to parental demands the school has reconfigured its internet WatchDog software to block access to all internet sites mentioning PHP. Officials say this should prevent any other students from falling prey like Brett Tyson did. They have also stepped up locker searches and brought in drug sniffing dogs. Interviews with students suggested that PHP use is wide spread around the school, but is particularly concentrated in the geeky nerd population. When contacted by BBspot.com, Brett Tyson said, "I don't know what the hell is going on dude, but this suspension gives me more time for fraggin'. Yee haw!" PHP is a hypertext preprocessor, which sounds very dangerous. It is believed that many users started by using Perl and moved on to the more powerful PHP. For more information on how to recognize if your child may be using PHP please visit http://www.php.net.Or read it here . PHP IS DRUG WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPPPIIIE. Old news from June 14/04, I don't know WHY we missed this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gryph Posted September 23, 2004 Share Posted September 23, 2004 I wanna get high on PHP!! WAAAAAAAAAAAA!! Hahaha...bunch of flocking morons. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
i l l m a t i c Posted September 23, 2004 Share Posted September 23, 2004 hahah...stoopiddd idoits... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Agozer Posted September 23, 2004 Share Posted September 23, 2004 Christ... and I thought that I would never have to read something like this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OverlordMondo Posted September 23, 2004 Share Posted September 23, 2004 FUNNIEST SHIZ EVER!!!!!!OMG, THAT'S SO LIKE KANSAS!Kansans suck, they're all completely retarded. I deny ever being born there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Agozer Posted September 23, 2004 Share Posted September 23, 2004 Only in the US of A, folks. I mean come on.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
random guy Posted September 24, 2004 Share Posted September 24, 2004 Oh man, you're flocking kidding me! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Weirdy Posted September 24, 2004 Share Posted September 24, 2004 to be honest, this news is more than 3 months old. I memmer reading this same article more than a year ago anyways, yeah. That's how stupid most ppl that work in education are in the u.s. They're weary of just about anything even when they don't know wtf it is ' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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